11/October/2015 | Confession of yutakis, Personal, Personal Thoughts
After not updating my life here for about a month, i felt terrible.
Here’s two slightly unpretentious Photo Booth selfies took when i was bored on the flight to taipei.
Full time blogger failed much. lol. but during this period of time i was pretty working for my blog, i took up a lot of blog advs and i partnered with miyake and we went to taiwan to shoot down a 16 ++ slots advert overseas trip, i personally think its pretty impressive for the both of us, as this is the 1st time we collab and we are not active in the blogshop scene. Right after the 8 days Taiwan trip, 4 days later i went to Jakarta for AFA ID 2015 AFA cafe to work as a butler, i extended another 2 days in Indonesia. finally got back to Singapore to work for my blog after not being around for about a month….. i fall sick.
How great is this…? i get extremely emo and negative whenever i fall sick, which i super hate.
Bff sandy who took care of when i was sick before, once told me (when i recovered) that she wanted to push me in front of a bus when i m sick. LOL YES I M THAT HORRIBLE.
Then that other day i called her up, didn’t even announced that i was sick, within 3 mins, she asked
“ are you sick?”
Yes, you could hear nightmare thru the phone. LOL.
that other night i got into a rough patch argument with 2 of my close girl friends, i guess its also due to the stupid sicktaki is acting up. lol.
Qiuqiu literally told me, #prayforsicktaki. and oh, yes, she also wanted to push me down the stairs.
i m just glad that my patient friends still all okay to put up with me, lol. thou i know they wanted to kill me soo badly.
now that i m feeling a tiny bit better, here i am writing this post.
Usually whenever i m sick, i will have deep thoughts of my life. like the fact that my mum and step dad is migrating to china soon, my only bff sandy moved back to taiwan. i m literally A L O N E in singapore. and shit, i have to remind myself again that i m single. miserable much? i can’t even continue to write about this without feeling even more shitty.
Recently i also faced some difficult situation where i wanted to drift apart from this friend from my social circle, i tried many ways to accommodate, i tried for many years, but only recently i m matured enough to realise there’s no wrong and no right in friendship, if two person couldn’t get along, what’s point to keep hanging make each other miserable?
I don’t have much friends now. that’s the truth, as i grow older, i realise i rather be alone than sticking with people who are unwilling to invest in friendship, poisonous, selfish and ungrateful. It took me 2 years ( to realised its not working, kept trying to fix it within that 2 years.) to dillydally to end a friendship previously because, i was unwilling to give up easily, at the end the 2 years of trying, i was so so so so emotionally exhausted, so heart broken.
The older i get, it finally dawn down on me that friendship don’t work that way, you can’t force your way to be with someone you can never get along, its unfair to change for your friend, its unfair for your friend to change for you too.
I’m not making that same mistake again.
I guess i just have focus on other things during period. I wasted too much time this year emo-ing. i thought when i finished 8 to 6 full time engagement for 2 years, i’d be more productive/ hardworking. but turns out, no. when u have all the time in the world, u start to abuse it.
Back then i was busy, i was super productive, i could finish work at 6, rush home, change attend event at 8, get home at 11pm, then change outfit and shoot for an advert and sleep at 4am, get up at 7am and be at work at 8am, then finish one advert draft during lunch time from 12.30pm to 2pm. Productivity at it’s best. Now i am so free, i could get back my insane drive from then.
All i wish for myself is to recover ASAP then i could get back to my work. i have tonsssssssss of work waiting for me to get to them.
At the same time, I pray to love myself, and stay healthy, so i don’t into my dark places again, sicktaki no more. Please.