4am — mad sleepy yet I want to blog and thank you guys before I go sleep.
Wah Wah Wah. Just Wah. I honestly didn’t not think my PBT blog post will bring me so much positive reactions, eh, yes I predicted that it might grab a bit of a attention, but I actually prepared for the worst, maybe I will get hate comments like “you are such a pussy” or “grow a pair.” lol. Yes, that’s how the internet usually work now, nasty comments are so common that nice comments are actually become so rare these days. ♥
I got long long comments on my blog and Instagram, and yes I received a unbelievable number/length of private mails!!! Eh, i m someone who think typing long long emails or messages are actually A LOT OF effort. So I really really appreciate them, I read all them and replied them all.
Most of these emails are encouraging me not to lose hope. And telling me that I m not alone, there are people like me who value and cherish the type of love that I long for. And my behavior is totally okay and acceptable, and most of you girls admit that you have the similar issues like mine. Eh. Well, let’s all form a psycho bitch cult shall we? Lol. We pledge ourselves to the long live of psycho bitch syndrome. Sorry, I can’t help it to put a bit dark humor in my emo blog posts, as I hate to go too deep, too emotional or too serious on my blog, I felt reading heavy stuff like that is kinda stressful, I hope you don’t find my blog stressful.
Regarding the part where I should not lose hope. Well. The truth is I couldn’t help it but to lose hope to certain extend, I haven’t had lose hope, that PBT blog post wouldn’t even be born. Lol. But I have to let you guys know, I will not be looking for any love related stuff, soul mate, dates or anything. I really just want channel my focus, energy and put them in better use. It’s been a good few years of me chasing rainbows, maybe it’s time to let the rainbow find me.
With the help of the PBT blog post I realized many of you actually do care about what I have to say, my blog hits jump back to my old prime blog hits days, I really felt loved, not alone and I wasn’t forgotten. This encourage me to open up myself more as promised in my full time blogger announcement, I promised that I will opening up as far as my comfort allows. I hope you guys could still give me certain level of privacy, there are things I wouldn’t like to disclose.
Many times I felt blogging as a known blogger had turn sour, too many bloggers only blog about their personal “feelings” to attack or victimize someone else. I have to admit In the past I used to do that too, but I want my blog to be more personal from now on, rather than all about personal attacking someone else. I want to talk about current issues that I m facing, my friendship problems or even situations where I need some advise from you guys. See, I m definitely not a “aunt agony” blogger like Sophie ( she is a “aunt agony” on her ask.fm) , more like you guys are my “aunties agony” giving me advise and encouragement when I whine. Lol.
I would love to talk about my future, my plans and goals and things I would love to accomplish in my life too, I felt like if I could talk it out loud, my dreams will become more realistic, soon, I will be able to touch them with my hands.
No lah, I wouldn’t be constantly kaopeh (nagging) about my failed dating life la, I hear myself whine about it I also felt sian (annoyed) with myself. Lol.
Previously I stay home too much, time is so slow!!! I could be emo for DAYS. I could do NOTHING and stare at my phone for a good two hours, think about all the negative stuff. I let myself become super not motivated, very dark and even negative. I m glad I had finally grow out of it, and know what’s best for myself, I realized when I work, I make plans and pack myself with a busy schedule, time pass really fast and I didn’t even have the time to seat around and go to my dark places. Which is a ultimate solution for me.
Like today I went out with Qiu and Miyake for a facial and movie, by the time I am home. I didn’t had the time to think how a failure or loser I am when comes to dating or even at all to think of my ex date. Lol. Awesome much? Lol. I made the right decision to schedule the rest of the week with endless work/outings.
This is my blog post to reassure to you guys that I m FINE. I m doing well, don’t worry about me. Thank you so so so so much for all the love, concern and worries. You guys had no idea how much love you guys made me felt. Thank you guys so much. It is a blessing to have you guys care so much about me, some even take me as a friend, when I m merely a stranger. I take all you who care and wrote to me as my cyber friends, not a fan (not that full of myself to think any of you are my “fan”) or a reader, because you guys care, You are my cyber friend.
Sending cyber hugs to you all.