The Confession Of A Psycho Bitch
19/July/2015 | Confession of yutakis
Psycho Bitch Theory.
PBT. Yes you might read the title and think this blog post about some girl… But no, it’s about me. Lol. I guess my blog readers should know by now I m not a regular guy next door, or even at all close. When most guys are actually very insensitive and low EQ. I m actually a guy who is extremely sensitive and have a high EQ, (IQ not high but EQ high to make up to my misfit, lol), makes me slightly more likable (in person) and sociable. i m much more sensible when comes to friends.
When comes to dating or love…. It seems like my expectations are much, much, MUCH higher.
This is blog post might also explain to you why I m still single. Lol. Sometimes I felt the things I get sensitive over are actually what most girls will. Which makes me such a girl at heart like that. you know most of my close (girl) friends are even much much more ‘manly’ than me, as in their men-mentality, lol.
Like for example:
Sandy is very “bro”, she’s a brother at heart, she always protect me and have my back like how a bro should.
Qiuqiu is very high confident like a very confident man, whenever she gets angry, you will see the most manliest side of her lol. and yes, she can be quite sloppy like a dude too. Lol.
Sophie is this extremely cool dude who have very little expression. she don’t really express her feelings much, very chillax and meh. Which makes her like a very typical reserved and cool guy.
Yanyan is very aggressive and tough love like a guy too, she is basically a tough warrior who fights to her last breathe for things she believe in, a warrior agh, even more dude than any other dudes.
Miyake don’t need to say already. She is literally the most gangster friend of mine, she can be such a dude, a dude don’t even mind getting into a physical fights to protect her love ones.
These “manly” qualities of my females friends… Eh, I don’t even have any. Lol. That’s why they always tease me, I m actually only girl in our clique. LOLOLOLOL. Which is kinda true. Lol When comes to dating in the past years, I realized I have the ability to charm my dates into falling in love within 1 or 2 days… SAY REAL ONE, NO JOKE. Like literally they could cry for me or even want to marry me that sort. Very very infatuated, I m not bragging because it’s actually a tragedy. let me continue.
But this strong and intensive feeling will never last, it will last up to 2 to 3 weeks tops….. My psycho bitch behavior will start to show… ALL OF THEM RUN AS FAR AS THEY CAN, jet off via rockets. LOLOLOLOL. It’s damn sad and demoralizing for me!! I hate to say this, its like I can’t keep any of them. Even though all my friends think I actually very loyal, extremely romantic and very big time “giver” type of lover, I always give more than I take.
Here in this blog post let me list to you all 3 types of typical patterns of mine when i am dating someone.
I don’t have a dating game, I have no game when I like someone. I do not know how to play hard to get. I do not know how act cool, I m aggressively like a wild ball of fire, a tornado, a tsunami or a ______ (You can think of any crazy intensive description of someone filled with love. fill in the blank above.)
I will go fetch them and wait for them to finish their work, buy flowers, buy gifts, hand make gifts, hand written love letters, book staycations, decor the room with roses and candles, very crazily affectionate, very devoted, I don’t check my phone on a date, I don’t steal stares at other walking temptations, very obsessed, very reassuring that I m only seeing them and only them, every single persons I go out with I will report to them and make sure I don’t let them worry about me, and even start to remember everything about them, from phone numbers to birthdays and even their blood type and things they hate or love, never delay replying a text, even set my whatsapp alert on LOUD mode, so that even at 4am they woke up to pee and text me, I could wake up to reply… like this entire chunk of things i do, this is how extensive my game is. translates to madly (scratch madly, should be psychotic) in love.
I swear all of my ex dates were really impressed with my affections, but slowly they will find me too much and start to felt that I m suffocating them, or worrying that they couldn’t reciprocate. That’s when they start to find excuses to skip the next date and just want to be friends… Excuse me, what friends?! *With psychotic stare* Lol.
My friends always teach me how to play this dating game, most of them quite good at this game, told me NOT to be overly excited or impress, keep my excitement in my heart, be less expressive, if I get a text from my date, i should go play candy crash and clear the level then reply. And never ever initial to ask for a date, let them ask me. Even if I m at home sleeping, always text them saying that i am actually out socializing with friends. And never ever clarify the relationship with your friends or the people u hang out with….
I know all these tricks, but when I really like someone I felt it’s so cruel to play such games with them… I really can’t bring myself to do it. I m like a 0% or 100% type of guy. It’s either one, I can’t give a 50%.
By now most of my ex dates will starting to doubt the sanity of this yutakis. Lol.
Psycho bitch damage: ♥♥♥
In Big Bang theory season 2, Howard was actually practicing this unusual technique to pick up chicks, he called it the [ TOSS OF NEGS ].
It means a negative compliment that throws a woman/ guy off her/his game. Like “normally, I’m not turn on by big teeth, but on you, they work”
Well I can’t take that. it might work on someone who is very confident. but i m totally not. Lol. Some of the ex dates pays me a neg, that inner psycho bitch of me will surface. Lol.
Classic example 01:
“I actually wish my future boyfriend to have six packs, but it’s okay you look good too without them.”
Classic example 02:
“I swear for a million years I will never imagine I would date a guy who wears make up for photoshoots but you are my exception.”
….. I don’t know is this a request? Something they hate of me, then just try to hint that they want me to change? It makes me feel nothing special and I felt I m not good enough for them. It just makes me insecure, I react very badly toward such negs, I will be very confrontational. i will never say this type of things to any of my dates, or even at all risk to hurt them. no. just not me.
You might think that I m actually someone who is very full of myself, high self esteem and confident when comes to dating, no. I am directly the opposite, I always felt I am never good enough for anyone, as I have a lot of flaws. I m actually very low self esteem, fragile and very accommodating, so when I face such negs like this… I will be just extra hurt and felt the need to do something about myself or just end the date ASAP as I felt I am obviously not their type. i really hope i could be confident enought to take such negs positively.
Psycho bitch damage: ♥♥♥♥
I can’t take people seriously if they keep a bunch friends with love interest, like I know there’s some of people okay with being friends with an ex, or a ex date, or someone they used to like or still like. I just can’t. It will turn me off immediately. If you haven’t moved on from a ex, don’t date someone new, or try to date many others just to explore your options, I will never do that, even if it’s just dating it will be always exclusive for me.
I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes, or I have any 粉红知己 ( it directly translates to pink friends, those who is an ex or had a love interest or more than just ordinary friends).
It’s really very hard to find someone who don’t have such “pink friends” but I m very old school and traditional on such things, I hope to find someone who values such things like me.
The moment the one that i m seeing let me know that they actually have such “pink friends”… My PSB will start to show again…. I will become very self righteous on this topic and go on and on and on and on and on and on about why is it that I disapprove of such “pink friends” and trying to convince that if they want to continue to see me its best that they could stop seeing their “pink friends”.
This also the moments most of my ex dates started put on their running shoes, preparing to run away from me already. Lol.
Psycho bitch damage: ♥♥♥♥♥
Even knowing they all lose interest in me, I still refuse to let go, I could have just hurt them before they even have the chance to dump me, but I couldn’t do it, I always always let them dump me instead, because I like them too much to reject them. Or just at all let them feel rejected, I will hang around and let them end it with me. I even make stupid promise like i will never be the 1st to walk away, this is actually the type of promise that most guys will never keep, but I m stupid enough to keep, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
After reading this 3 typical PBB (Psycho Bitch Behavior) of mine. I could guess you guys know why I m still single when all my friends are actually married or attached…? sometimes i couldn’t decide if i m just stupid or a psycho bitch. maybe a bit of both.
Being single for so long, makes me very dependent on my friends, I m very glad that my friends are not those who totally MIA once they get attached ( except a few ). They still hang out with me as per normal. But I often joke by saying if one I get attached, I will just totally ditch them and go completely MIA, like I can’t wait for the day for me being all in love and pengseh (ditch) all my friends. They often laugh and said they can’t wait for that day to happen so I could stop pestering them. Lolololol. I have humorous friends, i know!!! Haha… Eh… or do they meant it?! Lol.
And I swear finding someone who is my type, who like me, who is decent, can could put up with a psycho bitch like me. It’s hard. Just too hard.
After a good 2 years of trying, dating, then scaring these dates away, go into a dark emo place, solitude myself for a few months, then become better then start to date again, then scaring them away again, then go into my dark place and emo again, after months of solitude, then become better then dating again, then scare them away again….
The vicious cycle goes on and on and on and on. So I decided not to date anymore.
This one of my most honest and most self pity blog post i ever typed. Maybe one day I could be less PBB, then I could have better luck in love, or I could be really lucky find someone who appreciates a PBB guy. But I don’t put a hope on that, this type of PBB type of guys (girls) usually all turn out to be forever alone and all 60 years old cat dandy (ladies). I suddenly felt so naked and vulnerable after revealing so much about myself on my blog.
I gonna divert my energy and focus on career and money making, which will benefits me wayyyyy more. Wish this psycho bitch luck in career, maybe my psycho-ness could do me better in term of money making.
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Discussion23 thoughts on “The Confession Of A Psycho Bitch”
😀 why i feel like reading a manga scrip 😀
EH, its not a manga, #storyofmylife. lol.
Don’t worry! You are not alone. I can relate to some of your thoughts and behaviours. I can’t control myself when I like someone, I will keep checking my phone for their messages, I’ll reply immediately, and I can’t “pretend to be not-so-interested” when I actually am. I will totally behave in such a way that they know that I am super into them… which doesn’t usually work out well for me. They will usually lose interest and either fade away slowly or dump me. -_- I will also never be friends with exes or any kind of ex-dates. Once the “love” part is over, I will never be friends with them. I mean, why would you wanna be friends with someone whom you have such a close/painful history with? No such thing for me. I am single too! I think maybe we are too much like an open book and wear our heart on our sleeves, which makes us too vulnerable and “soft”. That’s why we get hurt easily… doesn’t matter though, shows that we are very genuine people! Hope you’ll have better luck in future (me too)! 🙂
omg, i know right!
let’s just stop looking and let fate bring them to us. lol. i cant find the one maybe largely becos i m constantly looking for it, maybe when i stop, it will come to me? that’s all my friends being telling me. so FOCUS ON OTHER STUFF! LOL. THANK YOU!!
Hey, Yutako, I think that it’s great that you are honest with these issues! I don’t think that by pouring these insecurities about being a Psycho Bitch makes you vunerable, it makes you someone who’s a lot stronger than what you give yourself credit for! The first step to becoming a stronger person is to acknowledge the existence of your flaws; to me, that’s the toughest and most difficult step to it. Be strong! I’m sure that you’ll be a lot stronger after this and no worries…I believe that you’ll find someone for you one day!
Good luck! 😀
eh.. actually i didn’t realized i have this problem for the longest time, as i always thought there’s the way it should be isn’t then it dawn down on that i was the only one who is still so uptight and old fashion on stuff like that. fml. but its okay, i know myself better now. thank you!!!
I don’t believe these factors are unusual or psychotic at all actually. In fact, I don’t think there is this game thing in reality that would make relationship last. I believe a lot of people feel how you feel in their relationships. These are all normal! I think what they needed was just a little time for themselves. (:
I believe you’d find the one who’d understand you!
thank you for trying to make me feel better!!! it helps! =)
i don’t think it is that bad like what you say it as. I mean, the girls that date you before, probably fantansize you to be another kind of guy they want you to be (unrealistic expectations). So when you turn out to be different, they start to run away.
It ia not you, its them. They are not right for you. So… What im trying to say is… You are sweet and caring in your own ways. (Seriously, flowers, fetching the girl. In this society, this gentleman behaviour is extinct) I believe, if you are ever in a long relationship with the right person, all these love and care’s intensity will decrease and be at a level where you and your loved one will agree on.
But thank you for your honesty. 🙂
Have a goodnight!
Awww!!! So your love your comment! Thank you so much!!!
Oh my days. I can totally relate to this!! I feel like a lot of the guys that start to like me get scared away eventually because I come on too strong or whatever~ still single now too. D:
But I don’t think you’re psycho or anything. I think you’re just passionate and enthusiastic and committed, which is completely awesome and traits that are hard to find these days!!
We are totally animals that will be extinct. Lol. Keep yourself safe! Lol. Thank you!!
hi yutaki, i’ve been a silent reader all this time but this post made me want to comment. hehe. i wanted to tell you that your behaviour is not psycho bitch at all. i think all you did was sweet and being real. however, most people nowadays can’t deal with that and the issue doesn’t lie with you. it’s them! just because you have no time for games doesn’t make you psycho. i’ve some similarities with you and had such a hard time finding a partner because they can’t take me as i am. now i’m happily attached because someone who accepts me wholly, walked into my life at the most unexpected time.
what i am trying to say, is that the right one who will accept and love you for who you are – flaws and all – will show up eventually. a lifetime relationship isn’t about finding the perfect person anyway. it’s about finding the right person who’ll help push you to be better and vice versa. 🙂
nobody knows how long that’ll take but it’ll happen. have some faith and focus on living your single life to the fullest and being the best version of yourself for now. you’re right, don’t go looking for love. let it find you. 🙂 lots of love and please take care!
U re super lucky la!!!! For people like who I felt finding someone perfect for each it’s like winning the lottery tix or tio 4D that sort!! Lol. Congrats!!! And please cherish each other! Thank you for your love & concern!
aww… thank u so much! hehe. i’m glad to read your latest post and will continue to support you here from afar. 🙂 may all your big dreams come true! 🙂
Yutaki-kun I don’t find it not normal at all it’s just sadly society changed. Love is not a game that they should play love is seeking who was right for you to grow old with. And I am the same I gave 100% of me even though my partner don’t until it hurts until it numbs my heart, I also don’t befriend my exs’ because they only can cause problem and I don’t want my partner to get hurt because of them so I don’t entertain them after the break up and I also don’t say negative compliment it’s the stupidest thing to say what’s the point of telling the person you like something that they are not rather than doing that why not compliment them on who they are. Don’t worry Yutaki-kun there is still someone out there who are just like us who can appreciate you as you are.
☆〜（ゝ。∂） stay positive
But I hope some love Traditions don’t die!!! Lol. Thank you so much for your comment!!
Such fine man like you won’t stay forever alone ~ You’re just different in a way that you treasure the r/s so much and cherish your partner more than she does. Also, be yourself, don’t have to change. The lucky lady who knows how to appreciate you and your love will definitely appear. ✌️
Yutaki! I have just read this post! I was so eager to read this after reading an excerpt of it from your instagram, but did not get a chance to until, now!
Anyhow, thank you so much for sharing a bit about your personal life. I understand how the internet can be very mean and full of judgement sometimes. But I applaud your courage! I think you are an amazing person! and the way you love is the part of who you are so continue on believing in yourself.
Well maybe you have not crossed the path with your other half yet, but I hope you will someday! Also, I think it’s okay to just let go the thought of ‘wanting to date’, maybe it will come naturally instead? 😉
Good luck Yutaki!
I’m sure with time the PBB will evolve to another level of awesomeness that will benefit you. I think that the time has yet to come for you to meet the one so don’t think that the problem lies with you. Have faith and believe that the right one will be there for you when you too, are ready. Jia you!
First time commenting here and just wanna say that… There’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m glad you have friends who support you and validate you for who you are! 🙂 Appreciate your honesty and openness about this issue, cos I’ve wondered why you’re still single too (kaypoh lol), but I guess it goes to show how beyond the flawless, perfect photographs and poses and editorials, you are human too.
One day you will find someone who appreciates your perfect imperfections. Someone who appreciates your devotion and commitment. Till then, you’re right to say that you should just focus on your own development 🙂
Don’t lose heart, take care!
I like this Post its so full of feelings and the truth About u